aceism

In preparation for my trip out West, I've decided to do a couple of things:

- Boost my weight to 145-150 lbs.

This will consist of 6 day a week low weight high rep progressions combined with a 4-5 protein meal a day diet (+whey protein supplements), adequate rest and constant activity. I am going to focus on upper body, specifically my arm, shoulder and chest muscles. Abs will take care of themselves, and my lower body and cardio will be taken care of by skateboarding and surfing.

- Skateboard again.

Yesterday I went to the skate park and had a blast. I landed a kickflip, a pop shove-it, and a 50-50 grind on the lower step. I totally forgot how much fun I had skateboarding. It's about time I start again. By the end of year I'm going to land the 360 flip. I'm determined.

- Improve my surfing.

When I was younger I used to chicken out on the heavier days (overhead waves, double overhead). Now I'm going to take any wave that  comes at me regardless of height. Surfing is analogous to life; whatever it throws at me, I'm going to grab it by the horns.

- Double my reading time.

No more bullshitting. Exercising your body is one thing, but what does it matter if your mind isn't being used? I still have much to learn. I'm going to crack open some books on the Western Canon and Hollywood tonight.

- Organize my papers in a cohesive fashion.

Too many papers are strewn around my room. I can't be organized in California if I can't even get my shit together in here.

The partying has to stop. No more laziness. Slacking off watching youtube videos can only get you so far.

Take a page out of my book and be productive.

Personal Resume:

Top Three Qualities:

- Charisma
- Intelligence
- Leadership

Passions:

Writing - I write every day. Whether it is in an online journal, a post, a text a paperback journal or on a napkin, writing is how I vent. How I communicate. How I express myself. I don't remember when I started writing. I think I was around ten or eleven. I wrote short stories, then graduated to posting online. To this very day I dream of publishing my own book. About what is still up in the air; I have to life live first. Then I'll have something to say.

Surfing - The moment I picked up my surfboard and paddled out, I almost felt a ritual communion between me and the ocean. I was baptized, immersing myself in a physical, yet therapeutic activity that rewarded me with both peace and adrenaline. For two summers I would wake up at 6AM nearly every day. I would slap my board on my car's racks and drive out to the beach where the clean, glassy surf waited for me. I decided from this point forward I would surf to relieve the pressures building up in my life. Although I don't get to surf as much as I used to, that might change should everything go according to plan.

Leading - Leading is defined as the ability "to get people to follow voluntarily." People always told me I was a natural leader. Without consciously acknowledging strategies and tactics normal leaders use I could inspire people and instill direction in individuals or groups of individuals. From Boy Scouts, to groups in class, to online forums, to the restaurant in which I could analyze and understand the mechanics behind managerial systems, to college discussions led by me, to leading chants in protests, to commanding the surf lineup at the ocean break, I almost always emerged as the leader. Every day I would read and absorb the styles of leadership in historical figures like Martin Luther King Jr., Napoleon, Winston Churchill, Erwin Rommel, Genghis Khan, Malcolm X, and the conclusions I would draw were that I possessed a ton of the qualities they had. A sense of vision, decisiveness, risk-loving, motivation, energy, charisma, self-knowledge, integrity, candor, compromise, a sense of communication, innovation, initiative, servanthood, teachability--the list goes on. From that day on the playground more than a decade ago when I organized a system for my fellow peers to share a piece of playground equipment equally, I discovered I was born to lead.

The capacity to lead alone will bring my somewhere in life; I just need a cause.

Sub-qualities:

Emotional Intelligence - I believe in the concept of emotional intelligence. I read people and groups very quickly, and can assess their emotions to an incredible level. Here is a good model:

1. Self-awareness - the ability to read one's emotions and recognize their impact while using gut feelings to guide decisions.


2. Self-management - involves controlling one's emotions and impulses and adapting to changing circumstances.


3. Social awareness - the ability to sense, understand, and react to other's emotions while comprehending social networks.


4. Relationship management - the ability to inspire, influence, and develop others while managing conflict.

Though I do believe I was born with this talent, experience has refined my emotional IQ to a sharp blade. I make friends very quickly. Some of these friendships I can transform into unbreakable bonds that will stick with me for the rest of my life. They say that it's harder to make friends past adolescence but I don't believe that is so - given the right qualities, one can turn a complete stranger into a friend, or a lifelong spouse. I've never had a problem making friends or keeping them. My personality is hardwired to be approachable, sociable, nice and understanding. But beyond that, I can capably read people and make sound decisions based on the sensory inflow I receive from them. With that in mind, I should have no problem forming large social networks that will hopefully help me succeed in life.

Confidence without Arrogance - I think when it comes to society, most people are split into two very defined groups: those that aren't confident enough, and those that are overconfident. Particularly in relationships. Every day I hear more and more girls talk about guys that treat them like shit, and guys who couldn't get a girl at gunpoint. There is very little middle ground. The polarity is disconcerting. One thing I have that I think most guys don't is confidence without arrogance. Confidence can be a self-fulfilling prophecy, as those without it may fail or not try because they lack it, and those with it may succeed because they have it, rather than because of an innate ability. I am confident in myself but am also aware of my limits; nobody is perfect.

I do not need to be cocky. My wit, sense of humor, charisma, charm and intelligence are enough to attract people. I don't need to be fake, I don't have to boast that I am excellent at any one thing because I don't need to. Girls date assholes because they mistake their arrogance for confidence - while confidence is good, it must be exercised in moderation. That's why their relationships fail. I admit I too have much to learn about relationships but the bottom line is I don't need to be flashy or showy to attract someone. I just need to be myself. The unshakable confidence in a person gets the prize.

Think about it: what do girls look for in a man? Certainly not someone weak, spineless, who can't make their own decisions and stand up for himself. And neither do they decide (although when they are young they make mistake of pursuing) on a guy who treats her like a piece of trash. They just want someone confident. Someone strong and who will lead and guide them, help them make their decisions in life. Read a little bit into evolutionary psychology. That'll pull the curtains on this.

I'll add more to this later.

Relationships with girls have always been a part of my life. Ever since I was small I've had some kind of a connection to girls. My first friend was named Jackie, and me and her always played on the playground while all the other girls and boys stuck together. Even before Pre-K I was raised by several female babysitters, all of whom were friends. Many of my friends are female. Many people I look up to are female.

The problem arises when I get into a relationship.

I've had quite a number of relationships. Most of them irrevocably fail. They just do. I used to be incredibly pessimistic about girls, calling them lying, cheating whores, blaming Western society and our culture of entitlement, all that nonsense. Then I grew up. I realized that not every girl is what I make them out to be in my head. Now I know what I want. I can more readily accept that if things don't work out the way I want them to work out, I move on until they do. I live my life. I know that I am a great guy; people have told me how wonderful of a person I am. There are six billion people on this earth. I don't know why I worry so much. There is bound to be someone I am going to run into that will truly appreciate who I am, that will understand what I want, what my passions are, my goals in life.

She's out there, I know it.

I don't know why I worry so much.

I shouldn't.

The affirmation of his own ignorance is the starting point of Socrates' philosophy. Simply put, we don't know everything. And age is a good indicator of that. 

At age 1-18: you don't know anything. you are functionally retarded. most relationships within these years won't mean anything in the long run. your brain has yet to develop, along with your tastes, likes and dislikes. high school kids don't know shit.

18-23: Pre-adult phase. Once you go to college, or move away, you are starting to be an adult. If you aren't, you have only just started to figure out what it means. "Don't start making big life decisions, mainly because you don't know enough about life to make good ones. You are still young, go out and experience the world, take small risks, see everything you can, be with a lot of different people. This the time you really need to try everything so you can figure out who you are, it is not a time to settle down and figure out the future path of your life."

23-28: Adult. You are out of school and working, or maybe in graduate school. You are much more sure of who you are and what you want from life. You have gained some experience. Although you aren't making the same mistakes in your early 20's, you still quite aren't ready for what life is throwing at you.

28 and beyond: Grow up. By now you should have at least picked your career and be started in it, perhaps be in a serious committed relationship and have made some major life decisions.

But the bottom line is this: you don't know everything.

i've been having a few interesting discussions with a couple of friends lately about being "fake." we all know these types. they adjust their personalities, beliefs and value systems to try to impress someone. what i knew from the very beginning was that generally this does not work, and that over the long term the genuine, honest self always wins.

so why do a lot of people try being fake?

i don't know. maybe the personality they were born with sucks. i know that never for one second have i tried being fake. i was born with the following traits: leadership, charisma, charm, intelligence, extroversion, optimism. even if I tried being fake it wouldn't work because i would not be able to reconcile my fake self with the much cooler person, me. i am generally an approachable person, so if I were to paint myself as something different people would see right through me and write me off as a charlatan or a con artist. that would suck. i value honesty. i think two of the most important facets of being a man is humility and honesty. Humility I will talk about in another post but absolute honesty always trumps all.

think about it. not everybody is perfect. honest people will be forgiven at one point or another. But nobody likes liars or people who cloud the truth. i know that i can't please everybody, and there are quite a few people out there that don't like me, but why should I adjust the version of my personality I was born with to slake their appetites? People that are insecure, that are not confident do that. just the other day someone came out to me saying that they have been fake the entire time because they thought they were boring. once i started talking to them when they were true to themselves, though, i began to appreciate them more. they weren't trying too hard. they showed to me that they were capable of having their own opinions, beliefs and thoughts about things and were not afraid to flesh them out. that is confidence. of course their opinions agreed less with mine, but that didn't make them any less of a person. it proved to me that they aren't a robot. the same goes with yes-men.

always be true to yourself. don't conform to what others think just to please them, be honest, don't lie--life will always find a way for the honest person. they are the winners.

hello brahs! it's been a while since i have posted in this. i'm sure all of you are wondering, what is ace up to? well, dudeskies, i'll tell you.

i am going to california. YES. it's going to happen one way or another. while waiting on my acceptance letters from colleges on the west coast, my friend Gabe is going to graduate soon and he wants to get an apartment with me in Los Angeles. he wants to break it in the acting industry, and i want to get published. tension is running high in my family right now; one day i am going to sit them down with myself and Gabe and talk it over. i have to convince them.

i've always dreamed of going to california and living there. i went last year and loved it. the weather is nice, the waves crash nicely, the In-N-Out burgers are something to die for. and what better place to protest scientology than LA? not to mention i have a ton of friends that live there. no hate on New York, but i absolutely love california.

i don't know where to start. i have so many things to say. my life has been one whacky, crazy roller-coaster ride, and at the risk of posting all this effluvium, i will sum everything up in one sentence: this is the most important phase of my life right now.

as my last semester draws to a close, i've been hitting the books hard. to help me further understand the DNA of the power structure in Hollywood, I've been reading:

Billion Dollar Kiss
The Big Picture: The New Logic of Money and Power in Hollywood 
Hollywood Economics
Entertainment Industry Economics
Independent Film Producer's Survival Guide
Independent Feature Film Production
Which Lie Did I Tell
Marketing to Moviegoers

why? because not only do i want to become published as a writer, i love acting too. other books i have hit upon: Genghis Khan and Making of the Modern World, Blink, The Black Swan, and The Tipping Point. i've also been re-reading 48 Laws of Power, 33 Strategies of War, and the Art of War. i need to educate myself when i get out there. the plan is to throw everything in the trunk of my whip, strap my board to the racks up top, and with Gabe drive all the way across the United States. his dad has a friend that can give us the hook up in regards to apartments, discount on a whip for Gabe, and jobs to keep cash inflow while I study and he goes to audition. i'm so excited.

my friend wants me to go to Anime Expo. i'm not really into anime all that much, but it should be fun. though i don't have a hotel booked at the moment i will most likely grab a room with 'em. life is so overwhelming right now. i'm still deciding between which schools i should attend. Gabe wants to be up Hollywood's ass but I am looking a little further - at Santa Barbara - it's really beautiful out there.

i know this post is all over the place, fragmented and thoughts whizzing by like whips on a highway. i assure you i'll clean up by my next entry. right now i have a pounding headache but for some reason felt compelled to post. i have so many things to post about, so much to get off my chest, a lot of which is concerning intellectual discourse on some level. as i have said i now protest scientology. it's a microcosm  of purpose and cause in my life. i do a lot of thinking in the shower. maybe i'll take a shower, change and come back, and splat all my thoughts on here. till then -

- Ace